I hooked up with a guy who had a pregnant girlfriend and I miss him so much I know it was wrong but I miss him?

So I am going to try to keep this short and I know I am gonna get so much crap and so yeah but basically last January I reconnected with a guy I liked a lot after like a year of not talking (he basically blew me off) anyways we talked and I was 19 and a virgin which was terrible so I wanted to have sex with someone and he told me I should do it with him and I was like.. ok. Well I didn't have sex with him because I felt bad, but I did give him a bj, and he had a gf who was 5 mths pregnant at the time. His gf found out flipped **** I took THE WHOLE BLAME for everything because he said that I should, and I wanted to make him happy anyways after he said some hateful stuff about me, and how he would never want me because of my CP I stopped talking to him and I went through a super depressed period where I just wanted to die, I honestly loved him he was my first love, the first guy I did anything sexual with and I loved him. Now it has been a year and a half and I am 20 and still a virgin, and I was doing so good, like I was totally over him and i had been dating, I even have a boyfriend now who treats me like the world revolves around me which is like amazing. However, I still miss the old guy.. a lot now, I wish I would have just had sex with him so I would not be a virgin, and it doesn't help that my amazing bf lives 100 miles away. I know that once everything is settled (me finishing school, and what not) we will move to the same state and get married and have a family, but it just seems so far away, and its so unfair that I have to wait to have sex with him because he is not here, I want sex NOW and if he doesn't come here soon I feel like I have no choice but to do it with someone else, even though I love him and would hate to cheat on him and hurt him. I am just so upset all the time because I miss the first guy so much and I know its probably my bad karma but seriously I just don't understand how my life can be such shambles, when I am trying to do good things in life and he is like working in a factory making nothing and his girlfriend works at a grocery store and shes a bad person like no joke she got kicked out of school for fighting and is just trash. True story. I am not a bad person, I know what I did was wrong but I wanted to be with him and I thought he would leave her for me and we would have our own babies and be a family and it would be so perfect and he did treat me nice for a while. I just want to be where he is now I guess, I want to be with someone and have a baby and be a family NOT doing what I am doing now which is nothing.. I mean school is important but it sucks.. I just want to get a regular job as a receptionist or something... maybe be a legal receptionist or assistant and work and have a baby, and I want to not miss him anymore..