My stepson is dead and everyone is blaming me for his death and hates me?

3 months ago, my stepson was killed in a head on collision. He was 29 and I’ve been in his life since he was 3, but for the past 14 years, we haven’t really spoken. When I first met my husband he had been divorced 2 years and had his son on weekends. He was unlike any other guy I had ever known and I immediately fell in love with him, but not his son. I was only 24 and had no children myself so I didn’t have a lot of patience for him so generally, weekends sucked for me. I married him father when he was 7. I’m very ashamed to admit this but I felt as though my husband would have been perfect if he didn’t have a child. I didn’t like “sharing” him with his son so in the first few years, I wasn’t exactly the kindest stepmother. I wasn’t completely terrible, but he knew not to depend on me for anything. We did not get along at all. He knew that I was happy when he wasn’t around and enjoyed giving me hell when he was. My husband always tried to break up our fights but in reality, he didn’t do much to prevent another. It wasn’t until I had a child of my own did I see the error of my ways. When I had my first daughter, I tried to be a better step mom but it was too late. He was 14 and I guess tired of putting up with me. Hatred doesn’t quite describe how he felt about me. We did nothing but argue for a year until he turned 15, then he just stopped talking to me. I mean literally he stopped. Imagine getting the silent treatment for 3 years, trust me it’ll drive anyone crazy. That was the point of no return. Me and my husband tried reaching out but he continued to ignore us on his visits. The last thing he said to me before college was “I never will think about you again. Have a nice life.” He cut all communication with us for 6 years. My husband was pretty devastated. He still talked to other family members and our children when he could but acted as though we didn’t exist at family functions. No calls, no cards, nothing. We weren’t invited to his wedding, we never got to see his children face-to-face, graduation totally excluded. So 3 months ago, I was out with a girlfriend who took me to a business/birthday party for someone at her job. His wife works for the company so they were both there as well. She had to leave early so he was alone and I decided to go over and talk to him. When he saw me coming, he headed for the exit. I thought I’ve been walked away from and ignored for the last time and I chased after him. We got into a heated argument outside and he told me that he’s always hated me and to leave him alone. I was hurt so I told him to go to hell and he said “I’ll see you there” got into his car and sped off. 6 blocks later, he collided with another driver who was drunk and died. Me and my husband were not allowed to attend the funeral. We showed up anyway but there was a huge fight and we were escorted out. We drove to the gravesite, but another fight broke out. My husband won’t even look at me. My children won’t talk to me and everyone on his side and the mother’s are saying its my fault he’s dead. His wife came over the other day to get some old things of his and she gave me no eye contact. I told her my husband would love to see the children, but she said “I don’t think Nik would like that.” My life is in shambles. I know I brought some of this on myself, but I have literally groveled for forgiveness but he didn’t want to forgive me. I think my husband hates me. I’m so stressed out and depressed and I don’t know what to do. Will it ever get better for me?